To Spank or Not to Spank.....that is the question of the day. Thomas and I decided before we were even pregnant that we would not spank our children. I must say though, that lately with Sadie testing me every second, I have thought about it. But I remain the adult and have not spanked her. I can't stand to see a child being hit. I always look at that adult and think....I do NOT want to be like that. SO impulsive and teaching that if you are mad it is ok to hit. Any advice out there from non spankers? I bought a time out chair. Supposedly you are to put them in time out for the number of minutes that match their age. So far it is working. I get really annoyed when I hear people say that just because you don't spank your child, they will be spoiled. That is their excuse to make themselves feel better about spanking their child. Anyway, just my personal opinion. But I could use some advice on how to help a one year old understand the word No! :-)
P.S. I know this is a touchy subject because many people do spank. It is on my mind because I just witnessed a little 3 or 4 year old boy get beat repeatedly on his butt by his mother and it made me sick to my stomach as I watched him cry telling her to stop.
I am mostly a non-spanker who (on rare occasions) does spank. rather or not you ever do, you should never be pressured by anybody to use it, and there ARE lots of other measures that work (i.e. timeout). Every kid, and every individual situation, is different. That said, I felt I had to respond and say that I don't think its fair to equate spanking (automatically) to impulsiveness or anger. Certainly alot of people do spank out of impulse and/or anger....and every single time they are WRONG. But it is possible to spank calmly, after carefully thinking through your own mind and explaining to the kid why, and making it a logical response to certain specific offenses (like lying, dangerous activity, or repeated misbehavior). I am not saying this makes it right or good, that is a personal decision for you, just saying that I dont think its fair to assume that all of us who have spanked do so impulsively and wildly as we fume with red faces and anger. I would NEVER do that.
ReplyDeleteI liked your advice. Thank you for taking the time to give advice. And I liked your point that not everyone who spanks does it red faced angry. I need to keep that in mind.
ReplyDeleteOh Amy, I'm totally with you! That is such a hard age--they really like to push your buttons! I agree that aside from the physical and emotional stresses that you put on your kids by spanking, that it still teaches them that it's okay to hit. Keep going with the time-outs. They really do work, as long as you're consistent (that's the hard part). We had to pick the most serious offenses that would warrant a time-out. If you don't pick your battles they'll spend all day in time-out! Just try to redirect everything else. Another good trick is to give yourself a timeout. Lock your self in the bathroom for a few minutes if you have to! I'd read a story from a Chicken Soup for the Soul book and come out with renewed patience ;) Good luck! Soon, you'll have different currency like taking away computer time and stuff!
ReplyDeleteGirl you certainly have your hands full. I think before you do anything you need to remember it is going to hurt you more than her. She won't remember but you will be scared for life. On that note I think hitting out of anger is of course completly wrong but I will be the first to say that we have wacked JC's hand on rare occassions already. Sure he is 7 months but when he is reaching for the light socket I would rather have him cry cause I hit his hand than because he is being electricuted (yes we put in the safety things but I still want to teach him it is not a place to play). Our choice of punishment will be "time out" and yes we have already bought a chair for this purpose. All I can say is that I guess you have to do what is best for you, your child, and your family. Best of luck and lots of love.
ReplyDelete